It has been such a nightmare looking for a school for my daughter. There are more people in the world, but government still has the same amount of schools. Something needs to be done to address this issue, it used to be in the movies where you hear people applying for their children for Grade R when they are six months old. Now it is a reality that as soon as you have given birth and you have a birth certificate you need to apply for school for your child. This is ridiculous!
Gone are the days when a parent could go in January looking for school. Now you have to apply in advance, 4 to 5 years before they even get there. Never mind that pre-school and primary school fees cost more than what we pay at university level, CPUT to be specific. The quality of education is not as good, but as parents we have to pay so much money, it doesn't make sense.
Friday, November 18, 2011
21st century woman
Being a woman living in the modern times is different to a woman who lived 50 years ago. Well even then it was a start of women coming into the work place. The modern woman is expected to be in the kitchen and the boardroom. If you dare say you want to be a housewife, other women look at you funny. It is no longer acceptable amongst women themselves to want to be a housewife, not that I want to be one...I'm just saying my point of view.
Modern woman is so used to fitting the bill that even when she's on a date, she wants to pay. I think the reversal or change of roles has made women change, instead of playing the supportive role they have more of a leading role. I believe this has had an effect on man and woman relationship, in terms of how they value each other, are able to work together, build a home and build a community. You have men that just want to have children without the commitment of marriage...who's going to father those children? These messed up roles and lack of commitment have made our chaotic society.
I think this world needs more responsible men to be fathers so that mothers can do the nurturing. It doesn't matter even if women are CEOs, it doesn't take away the fact that only women can give birth and it is a man's role to lead a home. So ladies stop being CEOs at home and men take your chair and lead your home.
Modern woman is so used to fitting the bill that even when she's on a date, she wants to pay. I think the reversal or change of roles has made women change, instead of playing the supportive role they have more of a leading role. I believe this has had an effect on man and woman relationship, in terms of how they value each other, are able to work together, build a home and build a community. You have men that just want to have children without the commitment of marriage...who's going to father those children? These messed up roles and lack of commitment have made our chaotic society.
I think this world needs more responsible men to be fathers so that mothers can do the nurturing. It doesn't matter even if women are CEOs, it doesn't take away the fact that only women can give birth and it is a man's role to lead a home. So ladies stop being CEOs at home and men take your chair and lead your home.
Striking a balance
This year has certainly been challenging for me, each year it has been getting harder being away from my daughter (Zenande) and my son (Mthawelanga). It seemed easier not to focus on leaving them behind, while I was in pursuit of my career or studies. I always had at the back of my mind that I'm doing all this for them, now why is it getting harder? Some things are really easier said than done.
Being a single, studying and working mom is really a challenge, but if other women could do it why can't I. It's all for my little angels and one day I realised that this is all a rat race. I'm chasing something that will take me time to achieve so I think it's time to take the next step. While I continue with my studies I want my children to live with me and for them to share in my challenges and to grow with me. Being a young mom has its challenges, positive ones as well.
I'm now looking forward to the next journey of my life of staying with my children. My daughter is starting Grade 1 next year and it has been a nightmare trying to find a school for her. With the challenges I have had as a mother, I ask myself how did my mother do it? Big ups to all the single parents, please write blogs and tell me how you did it.
Being a single, studying and working mom is really a challenge, but if other women could do it why can't I. It's all for my little angels and one day I realised that this is all a rat race. I'm chasing something that will take me time to achieve so I think it's time to take the next step. While I continue with my studies I want my children to live with me and for them to share in my challenges and to grow with me. Being a young mom has its challenges, positive ones as well.
I'm now looking forward to the next journey of my life of staying with my children. My daughter is starting Grade 1 next year and it has been a nightmare trying to find a school for her. With the challenges I have had as a mother, I ask myself how did my mother do it? Big ups to all the single parents, please write blogs and tell me how you did it.
Favourite Poem by Erykah Badu
Erykah Badu is one of my favourite artists and her music is definitely underground. In her music, she says things I want to say except she has a beautiful singing voice and lyrics to support her creativeness. To those who don't know I'm a soul sister and below is one of my favourite poems written by Erykah. You will find this poem on her album 'Mama's Gun'
the warrior reminder
i am awake
my mind is free
i am creative
i love myself
my willpower is strong
i am brave
i practice patience
i don't judge folks
i give, not to receive
i don't expect
i accept
i listen more than i talk
i know i'll change
i know you'll change
i''ll hold on one more day
i start over when necessary
i create my own situations
i am cosmic
i do not have the answers
i desire to learn
i am the plan
i am strong
i am weak
i want to grow
i know i will
i take on responsibility
i hide myself from no one
i'm on my path
warriors walk alone
i won't let my focus change
taking out the demons in my range
that's mama's gun
by: E. Badu
the warrior reminder
i am awake
my mind is free
i am creative
i love myself
my willpower is strong
i am brave
i practice patience
i don't judge folks
i give, not to receive
i don't expect
i accept
i listen more than i talk
i know i'll change
i know you'll change
i''ll hold on one more day
i start over when necessary
i create my own situations
i am cosmic
i do not have the answers
i desire to learn
i am the plan
i am strong
i am weak
i want to grow
i know i will
i take on responsibility
i hide myself from no one
i'm on my path
warriors walk alone
i won't let my focus change
taking out the demons in my range
that's mama's gun
by: E. Badu
"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one idea." (Alain)
I disagree with this comment, I think it's better when you have one idea. When you have one idea, you know that's all you have and you have to give it your best shot. You find that students who qualify at university to study one course, they have no choice but to make it work. When you have many options sometimes you mess it up trying to figure out what option you should choose. You could find yourself with nothing because you can't decide.
When I realised that my calling is in the Communication industry, I made it work. Before I realised this I considered being a stockbroker, an economist, lawyer (in grade 8/9), journalist and I also thought of being a psychiatrist, my mom told me a straight no. Thanks mom for saving me, this is what options or more than one idea can do to you...confuse you.
You can definitely make your one idea work and modify it until it's the best idea. What is dangerous is having more than one idea or no idea at all.
When I realised that my calling is in the Communication industry, I made it work. Before I realised this I considered being a stockbroker, an economist, lawyer (in grade 8/9), journalist and I also thought of being a psychiatrist, my mom told me a straight no. Thanks mom for saving me, this is what options or more than one idea can do to you...confuse you.
You can definitely make your one idea work and modify it until it's the best idea. What is dangerous is having more than one idea or no idea at all.
How hard is it to follow instructions?
Reading instructions is easy, interpreting them is more of a challenge and the following them is hard. The reason for this is that you're not in the frame of mind as the person writing the instructions. The person writing instructions has an objective and those are not always clear or made clear to the person following them.
I think instructions are generally hard to follow when you are nervous. When you are in a test or exam for some strange reason george (English) just leaves you then all of a sudden things you know don't make sense. Nervousness kicks common sense out of the window.
A test or exam environment makes it hard to follow instructions. As a student it always feels like the lecturer is out to get you. The lecturers say they are not, but it just always feels that way.
Instructions are meant to make things easier, but they seem to confuse and make matters worse. Honestly sometimes I don't follow instructions...well I guess it answers the question above.
I think instructions are generally hard to follow when you are nervous. When you are in a test or exam for some strange reason george (English) just leaves you then all of a sudden things you know don't make sense. Nervousness kicks common sense out of the window.
A test or exam environment makes it hard to follow instructions. As a student it always feels like the lecturer is out to get you. The lecturers say they are not, but it just always feels that way.
Instructions are meant to make things easier, but they seem to confuse and make matters worse. Honestly sometimes I don't follow instructions...well I guess it answers the question above.
Andy Warhol said, ''In future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes." You can't choose the 15 minutes but why would you be world famous?
I hadn't thought of myself becoming world famous because I've always thought of myself as the underground cat. I like to be heard, but not necessarily seen that's why I love radio. But anyways that's a topic for another day.
If I were to be world famous for fifteen minutes, it would be for starting an African radio movement. This would be a movement where all african countries can through radio and address issues. Not the politicians addressing their issues, but just ordinary people talking and discussing the way forward for Africans. African does not exclude a race, religion or culture we're all stuck together so let's just make it work.
This movement would assist in decreasing xenophia in our country. It hurts me to see black on black crime and how we can't build each other up. We all need to speak one voice, we're all in this continent called Africa. I really like the phenomenon behind the National Development Plan, I really hope it's something we can work towards without seeing what we can't do, but try what we are capable of doing. I think more than anything it is about changing our frame of mind then after that anything is possible.
If I were to be world famous for fifteen minutes, it would be for starting an African radio movement. This would be a movement where all african countries can through radio and address issues. Not the politicians addressing their issues, but just ordinary people talking and discussing the way forward for Africans. African does not exclude a race, religion or culture we're all stuck together so let's just make it work.
This movement would assist in decreasing xenophia in our country. It hurts me to see black on black crime and how we can't build each other up. We all need to speak one voice, we're all in this continent called Africa. I really like the phenomenon behind the National Development Plan, I really hope it's something we can work towards without seeing what we can't do, but try what we are capable of doing. I think more than anything it is about changing our frame of mind then after that anything is possible.
A skill set called leadership
Some people are born to lead and some have to be taught to lead. Leadership is about having influence so people can follow you. A leader cannot lead if there are no followers and there can't be followers without a leader.
The influence that a leader has can either be positive or negative. As we know there are great leaders that led people to destruction. Looking at leaders like Stalin, Hitler and Mugabe, these leaders had/have great power to influence their followers.
Leadership is a great skill to have, however there are people who confuse threatening or bullying people with leadership. Followers willingly abide with instructions given by their leaders and believe what their leader is saying to be correct.
The influence that a leader has can either be positive or negative. As we know there are great leaders that led people to destruction. Looking at leaders like Stalin, Hitler and Mugabe, these leaders had/have great power to influence their followers.
Leadership is a great skill to have, however there are people who confuse threatening or bullying people with leadership. Followers willingly abide with instructions given by their leaders and believe what their leader is saying to be correct.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
"Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read" (Frank Zappa) - Comment
Commenting on the subject is challenging as I have no singing abilities let alone critique music especially rock. I'm not a fan of rock music because I can't always make-out what they're saying.
The music instruments tend to overpower their lyrics at least for me that is. The same applies to hip-hop and rap.
It is difficult and it would bre unfair to critique artists when you can't hear their message.
Or maybe that is the criticism, what is your message?
I can't hear you. Music is a form of art, I believe artists have to be respected for their work.
Different genres of music targets different folks.
The music instruments tend to overpower their lyrics at least for me that is. The same applies to hip-hop and rap.
It is difficult and it would bre unfair to critique artists when you can't hear their message.
Or maybe that is the criticism, what is your message?
I can't hear you. Music is a form of art, I believe artists have to be respected for their work.
Different genres of music targets different folks.
List your top 200 achievements
I won't have 200 achievements, I haven't lived that long. In an attempt to want to write as many achievements as I can I will start listing my achievements from as far back as I can. The first two are certainly not my personal achievements, but they are more family achievements and yes I'm proud of my great-grand parents.
1. Born into a family of the first black Professor at the University of Fort Hare. My ultimate dream would be the second Professor in the family.
2. Great grandfather started a Xhosa newspaper 'Imvo Zabantsundu', this was in the late 1800s close to the time when slavery was banished.
3. Top of class in Grade 4
4. Awarded a trophy for Majorette...can't remember why
5. Played 1st team hockey in Grade 7
6. Started a trend in high with two friends for black people to join Debating Society
7. Received first Cultural Badge in Grade 9, can't count how many I received thereafter almost every term
8. Won Gold Award for Public Speaking at Grahamstown Eisteddfod
9. Won Silver Award for Poetry..recited 'Let me not to the marriage of true minds' - William Shakespeare
10. Won Bronze Award for a Monologue
11. Won Gold Award for a play
12. Won Gold Award fo a play at Clarendon Eisteddfod
13. Part of cast that came first place - Interhouse Plays
14. Received half-colours
15. Received full colours blazer
16. Winning debates..don't know how many
17. Winning hockey matches and remaining being unbeaten the whole season
18. Passed Matric with Exemption
19. Winning Silver Medal for Squash - USSASA Regional Games
20. Three distinction first year of studying ND Taxation & Auditing
21. Elected as Treasurer of SASCO BEC at Natal Tech
22. Team of the Month Award x 3 - SARS
23. Top Ten Agent of the Month x 3
24. Acting as teamleader
25. Birth of my daughter
26. Birth of my son
27. Stopped smoking
28. Getting a bursary to study PR
29. Studied ND PR and passed in record time
30. Studied BTECH PR and passed in record time
31. Group Leader & Won Best Open Day Exhibition ( it was a tie)
32. Have over 10 distinction for the first three years of my study
33. Academic Giant for 3 consecutive years
34. Breaking record getting 100% for a Comm Sci Test
35. Graduated in 2011
36. Graduating in 2012
37. Part of LOC for PRISM Awards 2011
38. Organized and cordinated launch of PRISA Student Chapter in Western Cape
39. Drafting the constitution for PRISA Student Chapter
40. Working at City of Cape Town
AND COUNTING...
1. Born into a family of the first black Professor at the University of Fort Hare. My ultimate dream would be the second Professor in the family.
2. Great grandfather started a Xhosa newspaper 'Imvo Zabantsundu', this was in the late 1800s close to the time when slavery was banished.
3. Top of class in Grade 4
4. Awarded a trophy for Majorette...can't remember why
5. Played 1st team hockey in Grade 7
6. Started a trend in high with two friends for black people to join Debating Society
7. Received first Cultural Badge in Grade 9, can't count how many I received thereafter almost every term
8. Won Gold Award for Public Speaking at Grahamstown Eisteddfod
9. Won Silver Award for Poetry..recited 'Let me not to the marriage of true minds' - William Shakespeare
10. Won Bronze Award for a Monologue
11. Won Gold Award for a play
12. Won Gold Award fo a play at Clarendon Eisteddfod
13. Part of cast that came first place - Interhouse Plays
14. Received half-colours
15. Received full colours blazer
16. Winning debates..don't know how many
17. Winning hockey matches and remaining being unbeaten the whole season
18. Passed Matric with Exemption
19. Winning Silver Medal for Squash - USSASA Regional Games
20. Three distinction first year of studying ND Taxation & Auditing
21. Elected as Treasurer of SASCO BEC at Natal Tech
22. Team of the Month Award x 3 - SARS
23. Top Ten Agent of the Month x 3
24. Acting as teamleader
25. Birth of my daughter
26. Birth of my son
27. Stopped smoking
28. Getting a bursary to study PR
29. Studied ND PR and passed in record time
30. Studied BTECH PR and passed in record time
31. Group Leader & Won Best Open Day Exhibition ( it was a tie)
32. Have over 10 distinction for the first three years of my study
33. Academic Giant for 3 consecutive years
34. Breaking record getting 100% for a Comm Sci Test
35. Graduated in 2011
36. Graduating in 2012
37. Part of LOC for PRISM Awards 2011
38. Organized and cordinated launch of PRISA Student Chapter in Western Cape
39. Drafting the constitution for PRISA Student Chapter
40. Working at City of Cape Town
AND COUNTING...
What motivates me?
My children motivate me to dream big and work towards my dreams. I want to become a better person and I look at life differently because of them. Life is more than just about money, but it is also about relationships. It is about the kind of relationship I have with my children.
Now I know I'm their role model before they look for one elsewhere. What I think of them means a lot them, it has an effect on how they will view themselves later in their lives. My children have taught me to love more and to practice a bit of patience especially where they are concerned.
What used to motivate me is money, but now I understand that it is there to make life easier FINANCIALLY. Money doesn't guarantee happiness. My love for my children definitely motivates me to push boundaries and want to be the best. I don't like being second best anyways.
Now I know I'm their role model before they look for one elsewhere. What I think of them means a lot them, it has an effect on how they will view themselves later in their lives. My children have taught me to love more and to practice a bit of patience especially where they are concerned.
What used to motivate me is money, but now I understand that it is there to make life easier FINANCIALLY. Money doesn't guarantee happiness. My love for my children definitely motivates me to push boundaries and want to be the best. I don't like being second best anyways.
Write a list: the 10 most unexpected consequences of being online
1. Having a friend tag you on pictures you don't want posted on facebook
2. Having the right people access the wrong information about you
3. Having a stalker
4. Finding out you've inherited a million rand from a 'relative' you never knew existed...those scams!
5. You have people you've never heard of claiming to be your friend
6. Finding out your friend is getting married on a social network, but she 'forgot' to tell you
7. The guy who was not HOT in high school is married with children and he's rich as well
8. The under-achievers in high school are the over-achiever in their careers
9. Facebook showing on the 'people you may know' list someone who's passed away
10. An old friend changing her name online to a name you've never heard of...not her second name.
2. Having the right people access the wrong information about you
3. Having a stalker
4. Finding out you've inherited a million rand from a 'relative' you never knew existed...those scams!
5. You have people you've never heard of claiming to be your friend
6. Finding out your friend is getting married on a social network, but she 'forgot' to tell you
7. The guy who was not HOT in high school is married with children and he's rich as well
8. The under-achievers in high school are the over-achiever in their careers
9. Facebook showing on the 'people you may know' list someone who's passed away
10. An old friend changing her name online to a name you've never heard of...not her second name.
The elephant in the room
Firstly, I'm not quite sure why an elephant would be in a room. How did it get there? How would it get out? My neighbours would certainly call the SPCA on me or would the zoo be the appropriate place? M.J. would be the best person to consult on this matter because he had two giraffes.
The only concepts that come to mind with an elephant in the room, it's blowing things out of proportion. I know I'm guilty of blowing things out of proportion, making a problem bigger than it is. It is a survival mechanism of course, trying to lower expectation so that I can over deliver. It's certainly better than over promising and under delivering. In PR, your reputation and your image is always at stake, you can't afford such mistakes it could cost your career.
The only concepts that come to mind with an elephant in the room, it's blowing things out of proportion. I know I'm guilty of blowing things out of proportion, making a problem bigger than it is. It is a survival mechanism of course, trying to lower expectation so that I can over deliver. It's certainly better than over promising and under delivering. In PR, your reputation and your image is always at stake, you can't afford such mistakes it could cost your career.
Every day is a good day
Every day has its own fair share of challenges, but it's up to you how you view them. Every day life can be such drag depending on your mindset and this generally determines how you cope or get through life's challenges. The optimistic view is that in life there are challenges and lessons to be learnt.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I don't always think "yey! there's a life challenge and there's a lesson to be learnt". Honestly we could all do with an easy day without challenges and everyday would be good day. The question we need to ask ourselves is, would we achieve all we have without those challenges? For me, every day is a good day because I'm a day closer to my dream.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I don't always think "yey! there's a life challenge and there's a lesson to be learnt". Honestly we could all do with an easy day without challenges and everyday would be good day. The question we need to ask ourselves is, would we achieve all we have without those challenges? For me, every day is a good day because I'm a day closer to my dream.
Monday, May 9, 2011
It is better to practice a little than talk a lot
I am very talkative and I believe I have constructive conversations with people. I believe in expressing myself and my views. I'm not the type of person who lets things pass me by. If I have an opinion on something, you're most def going to hear it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the complaining type, I'm solutions, solutions and more solutions type of girl.
Some will say talk is cheap, but I talk a lot and I'm all actions. I think it depends on what you're talking about really. When I talk it is about remaining positive and having a positive outlook on life. Life has its challenges and people need to be truthful and talk about issues. The reason there are so many problems in the world, people act as if everything is fine when it's not. When things are fine people want to talk and when they're not issues are pushed under the carpet.
In life you just need to be a practical person, communication is always needed otherwise how do you know what you are doing is right or wrong? I think it is better that people talk a lot and talk about solutions, not problems. Practice is the second step after talking. If we put 100% to everything we do, we will talk well and practice well. There needs to be a balance between the two.
Some will say talk is cheap, but I talk a lot and I'm all actions. I think it depends on what you're talking about really. When I talk it is about remaining positive and having a positive outlook on life. Life has its challenges and people need to be truthful and talk about issues. The reason there are so many problems in the world, people act as if everything is fine when it's not. When things are fine people want to talk and when they're not issues are pushed under the carpet.
In life you just need to be a practical person, communication is always needed otherwise how do you know what you are doing is right or wrong? I think it is better that people talk a lot and talk about solutions, not problems. Practice is the second step after talking. If we put 100% to everything we do, we will talk well and practice well. There needs to be a balance between the two.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
"Come now kids, come meet Uncle Sfiso!"
I am now faced with the next phase of the baby mama drama. This is introducing my partner to my kids. There are many things going through my mind. How will my kids react to this? Is the right time to do the introduction/ Are they ready for this? Is he ready for this? Is the timing right or should I do this later? What do I introduce him as uncle, mommy's boyfriend, mommy's colleague, mommy's friend, your future stepfather or just use his name? What if the relationship doesn't last? These are difficult questions to ponder.
There is no right way of doing this. It is though time for the next step of our relationship. We have been seeing each other for some time and he knows that I have kids. He doesn't have kids of his own, but he's willing to take my whole package. Now it is time to deal with the reality of taking my whole package.
My whole life has been revolved around my children their happiness and ensuring they are comfortable. I have fears of how this will affect my children and their happiness. Single parents also want to be loved and be in a relationship. The challenge is what if my partner can't live up to what he said he would do. This is another make or break moment in our relationship.
There is no right way of doing this. It is though time for the next step of our relationship. We have been seeing each other for some time and he knows that I have kids. He doesn't have kids of his own, but he's willing to take my whole package. Now it is time to deal with the reality of taking my whole package.
My whole life has been revolved around my children their happiness and ensuring they are comfortable. I have fears of how this will affect my children and their happiness. Single parents also want to be loved and be in a relationship. The challenge is what if my partner can't live up to what he said he would do. This is another make or break moment in our relationship.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Wedding cake in-the-middle-of-the-road.
What is the wedding cake doing in the middle of the road? It should be at the reception area, where it needs to be. The poor bride is worried about the wedding cake and its whereabouts. No bride ever dreams of a wedding without a wedding cake. This is part of the whole package, there's that romantic picture taken where the bride and groom are cutting the cake and feeding each other. Now the cake is missing in action, this is a nightmare!
Imagine the frustration going through the wedding planner, she cannot track down the cake and the bride is furious. Every bride imagines her day to be perfect, no glitches whatsoever! Everything that is thought of and planned to be there MUST be there, no compromise. Whoever dreams of having a cake from Spar because the original wedding cake is somewhere in the middle of the road? This is a special cake that takes time to make that you cannot just replace by buying any cake at Woolies.
This terrible memory will stay with the bride and groom forever. It is nothing, but love that will get them through this. They will definitely need to renew their vows with a wedding cake to remove this nightmare. Something so small as a wedding cake in-the-middle-of-the-road can ruin what is meant to be the best day of a woman's life.
Imagine the frustration going through the wedding planner, she cannot track down the cake and the bride is furious. Every bride imagines her day to be perfect, no glitches whatsoever! Everything that is thought of and planned to be there MUST be there, no compromise. Whoever dreams of having a cake from Spar because the original wedding cake is somewhere in the middle of the road? This is a special cake that takes time to make that you cannot just replace by buying any cake at Woolies.
This terrible memory will stay with the bride and groom forever. It is nothing, but love that will get them through this. They will definitely need to renew their vows with a wedding cake to remove this nightmare. Something so small as a wedding cake in-the-middle-of-the-road can ruin what is meant to be the best day of a woman's life.
What is a friend?
What are the characteristics of a good friend? Nowadays, the term friend is used loosely without knowing the meaning. It is important to differentiate between a friend and an acquintance. If you know a lot of people, it doesn't mean they are all your friends. A friend always knows what is happening in your life and your current challenges.
A person who is not happy and is envious when good things happen in your life, would you call that a friend? A friend should make you happy and encourage you to become a better person. A friend tells you the truth even when no-one is willing. It should give you compliments when it is due and add good values to your life.
As you grow older, it becomes easier to see friends that are fake and real. It is up to you to face up to that reality. Either you accept that you have one or two real friends or lie to yourself believing you have many friends. As the saying goes "When days are dark, friends are few". This is meant to show you reality of having friends.
A person who is not happy and is envious when good things happen in your life, would you call that a friend? A friend should make you happy and encourage you to become a better person. A friend tells you the truth even when no-one is willing. It should give you compliments when it is due and add good values to your life.
As you grow older, it becomes easier to see friends that are fake and real. It is up to you to face up to that reality. Either you accept that you have one or two real friends or lie to yourself believing you have many friends. As the saying goes "When days are dark, friends are few". This is meant to show you reality of having friends.
Friday, April 29, 2011
It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.
Everyone has lied at some point in their life, whether it was a small or big lie. Anyone who says they don't lie or has never lied, they are lying to themselves. It is easy to conjure up a lie, but you have it cover it up each time with another lie. You have to believe the lie to convince the next person of your lie therefore you are lying to yourself first and foremost.
The worst thing about a lie, you have to deal with the consequences of it. At some point, lies catch up to you and you have to tell the truth. At this point nobody believes you.
When I was about five years old, my mom warned about telling lies. She made an example of the little boy who lied to the village about the wolf. The first and second time, the boy screamed that the wolf had come for the sheep he was lying. When he was telling the truth nobody believed him. The ramifications of lies are that people don't trust you anymore. Once trust is broken it is very difficult to build again.
If and when you lie to yourself, it haunts you because you are living the lie. The truth is not always easy to deal with, but a lie is worse. You have to deal with the consequences of the lie and the actual reality. Just be honest with yourself and save yourself from reputation and crisis management.
The worst thing about a lie, you have to deal with the consequences of it. At some point, lies catch up to you and you have to tell the truth. At this point nobody believes you.
When I was about five years old, my mom warned about telling lies. She made an example of the little boy who lied to the village about the wolf. The first and second time, the boy screamed that the wolf had come for the sheep he was lying. When he was telling the truth nobody believed him. The ramifications of lies are that people don't trust you anymore. Once trust is broken it is very difficult to build again.
If and when you lie to yourself, it haunts you because you are living the lie. The truth is not always easy to deal with, but a lie is worse. You have to deal with the consequences of the lie and the actual reality. Just be honest with yourself and save yourself from reputation and crisis management.
"Hi! I'm Yolisa and I have 2 kids. Please don't run!"
I have had this discussion with my friend many times. It is the challenge of dating when you are a single mother. I'm sure there are many single mothers who can relate to this. It is so amazing how the guys' faces change when you mention that you a child/ren. That sentence kills the chemistry or whatever could have happened. After this, you might as well go home delete his number and forgot you ever knew him.
This makes me feel like I have committed a crime. There seems to be a stigma on single mothers. They are called baby mama and they have baby mama drama. There are men who associate single moms to have baggage and a lot of drama. This is usually based on stereotyping assuming all women are melodramatic.
So when is it the right time to drop this atomic bomb? How should I introduce myself? "Hi! I'm Yolisa and I have two kids. Please don't run!" Or should I hide this important part of my life and wait until he proposes. Then say "yes! I will marry you honey, but one more thing I have two kids." This is one of those tricky challenges of being a single mom.
You become stuck in the middle, you are the grey area. Married mothers don't think you are part of their group and single guys don't treat you as available. I wonder if guys that are single parents suffer from the same stigma? Or should single mothers be looking for single dads? It's a pity you can't control who you fall in love with.
This makes me feel like I have committed a crime. There seems to be a stigma on single mothers. They are called baby mama and they have baby mama drama. There are men who associate single moms to have baggage and a lot of drama. This is usually based on stereotyping assuming all women are melodramatic.
So when is it the right time to drop this atomic bomb? How should I introduce myself? "Hi! I'm Yolisa and I have two kids. Please don't run!" Or should I hide this important part of my life and wait until he proposes. Then say "yes! I will marry you honey, but one more thing I have two kids." This is one of those tricky challenges of being a single mom.
You become stuck in the middle, you are the grey area. Married mothers don't think you are part of their group and single guys don't treat you as available. I wonder if guys that are single parents suffer from the same stigma? Or should single mothers be looking for single dads? It's a pity you can't control who you fall in love with.
Monday, April 18, 2011
What is the difference between living and existing?
For me, to exist means that the Department of Home Affairs has information on Yolisa on when she was born, that she is female, has two children and has an identity document. This means that I am still alive, as they do not have a death certificate yet. This is Yolisa being in records of every organisation she has worked for or universities that she has studied at. This is merely information about me and my whereabouts.
To live, it means to take risks with your life. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro would be extremely risky because I am scared of heights. This is to challenge myself in my abilities and life experiences. Life is an adventure and there are life lessons to be learnt along the way. I look back at my life, I laugh at myself at things I have done. Being young and stupid is allowed, just not all your life. This adventure has made me a stronger person with fewer fears. I have learnt to be kind to myself especially when I have taken the wrong turn.
I have gone back to university to study and challenged myself to complete what I had started. I have challenged myself to live my dream, it is scary but it is happening. I have regained my self-esteem and confidence. This must not be mistaken with arrogance; this confidence has been given to me by God. They say behind every successful man is an even more successful woman. For me, behind this strong, young woman is a powerful, Living God. This light that shines in my smile and my personality, it is God shining through and being glorified.
Living is not about sitting down and feeling sorry for you. You have to stand up and believe in your dreams even if they seem impossible to the next person. You cannot let fear rule your life. As I live my life, I am writing my book of life. I have chosen to have a book full of wonderful stories that will be a legacy for my children and their children and their children's children.
It is your choice whether you want to live or exist only in the books of the Department of Home Affairs and Department of Labour. I want to live in the history books of South Africa and beyond be an inspiration to future generations.
To live, it means to take risks with your life. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro would be extremely risky because I am scared of heights. This is to challenge myself in my abilities and life experiences. Life is an adventure and there are life lessons to be learnt along the way. I look back at my life, I laugh at myself at things I have done. Being young and stupid is allowed, just not all your life. This adventure has made me a stronger person with fewer fears. I have learnt to be kind to myself especially when I have taken the wrong turn.
I have gone back to university to study and challenged myself to complete what I had started. I have challenged myself to live my dream, it is scary but it is happening. I have regained my self-esteem and confidence. This must not be mistaken with arrogance; this confidence has been given to me by God. They say behind every successful man is an even more successful woman. For me, behind this strong, young woman is a powerful, Living God. This light that shines in my smile and my personality, it is God shining through and being glorified.
Living is not about sitting down and feeling sorry for you. You have to stand up and believe in your dreams even if they seem impossible to the next person. You cannot let fear rule your life. As I live my life, I am writing my book of life. I have chosen to have a book full of wonderful stories that will be a legacy for my children and their children and their children's children.
It is your choice whether you want to live or exist only in the books of the Department of Home Affairs and Department of Labour. I want to live in the history books of South Africa and beyond be an inspiration to future generations.
The sound of one hand clapping.
I wouldn't have made it this far without a support system. I am more than 1000km away from home and I didn't have family in Cape Town. Now I have created my own family here, both at church and at university. Before I had this structure my life was not stable, I had many acquaintances, but with no real family values.
My new family has encouraged me in my spiritual, personal and social life. When I speak about social life, this doesn't mean clubbing. I have grown into a mature, focused young woman through the love I have received from my new family. These people believed in me without a doubt, they sparked the light inside me. I believe God puts people in your path to help you get through life challenges. He does not tell you who they are, but you need to appreciate these people and realise this is help from God.
In my second year, my friend believed in me being an intelligent student. We were writing a Communication Science test and she told me she expected 100 percent from me. The test before I had gotten 97 percent. For me, I thought she is putting a lot of pressure on me and in any case who gets 100 percent for a test. After the test, I told her that I don't think I got it. When the test came back, I had gotten 100 percent. It was not my own intelligence, but also someone believing in me that I can get that mark. I also believe God played a role in making this happen.
As a person, you must surround yourself with positive people. When you have this, you can achieve anything in life. When you have a strong support system, you become stronger as well and you can conquer your fears. My success has come from people helping me and me also helping others. I had gotten better marks when I tutored other students, this helped me to know more. Life is about sharing with others and through that you become blessed.
The Lord blessed me with two special friends who came at a crucial time in my life. This is Faith Foster and Zodwa Mtolo. These have my guardian angels who were the other hand all the time to help me clap. The Bible verse that changed my life is Matthew 11:28 'Come to me all those who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.' This is a true testimony that you cannot do things on your own.
My new family has encouraged me in my spiritual, personal and social life. When I speak about social life, this doesn't mean clubbing. I have grown into a mature, focused young woman through the love I have received from my new family. These people believed in me without a doubt, they sparked the light inside me. I believe God puts people in your path to help you get through life challenges. He does not tell you who they are, but you need to appreciate these people and realise this is help from God.
In my second year, my friend believed in me being an intelligent student. We were writing a Communication Science test and she told me she expected 100 percent from me. The test before I had gotten 97 percent. For me, I thought she is putting a lot of pressure on me and in any case who gets 100 percent for a test. After the test, I told her that I don't think I got it. When the test came back, I had gotten 100 percent. It was not my own intelligence, but also someone believing in me that I can get that mark. I also believe God played a role in making this happen.
As a person, you must surround yourself with positive people. When you have this, you can achieve anything in life. When you have a strong support system, you become stronger as well and you can conquer your fears. My success has come from people helping me and me also helping others. I had gotten better marks when I tutored other students, this helped me to know more. Life is about sharing with others and through that you become blessed.
The Lord blessed me with two special friends who came at a crucial time in my life. This is Faith Foster and Zodwa Mtolo. These have my guardian angels who were the other hand all the time to help me clap. The Bible verse that changed my life is Matthew 11:28 'Come to me all those who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.' This is a true testimony that you cannot do things on your own.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Are you holding something that you need to let go?
Have you ever gone through that point in your life when you are tired? Tired of talking about your past, what went wrong? The people who have hurt you and never apologised for what they did to you. Things that happened to you that you thought you didn't deserve? Then again, you ask yourself if not me then who? These stories are over told, worn out and no longer have elasticity.
I am at that point where I have grown tired of talking about my past. That is why it is called the past, I have gone past it and through those experiences. It has a way of weighing me down; honestly I am not there anymore. Why should I live in my past when I have the present to enjoy?
My life has changed drastically. I have many new things to look forward to new relationship, new friendships, a new career and I am graduating soon. There is so much to celebrate, exciting events are happening in my life.
I got great advice from my friend as I was about to feel sorry for myself. She asked me to take a toilet roll and write on it all the things that I am not happy about that happened in the past. I wrote on those sheets of paper until I had nothing to say. After that she told me to flush it in the toilet because that is where it belongs. I did exactly as I was instructed and afterwards it felt better to just let go!
I am at that point where I have grown tired of talking about my past. That is why it is called the past, I have gone past it and through those experiences. It has a way of weighing me down; honestly I am not there anymore. Why should I live in my past when I have the present to enjoy?
My life has changed drastically. I have many new things to look forward to new relationship, new friendships, a new career and I am graduating soon. There is so much to celebrate, exciting events are happening in my life.
I got great advice from my friend as I was about to feel sorry for myself. She asked me to take a toilet roll and write on it all the things that I am not happy about that happened in the past. I wrote on those sheets of paper until I had nothing to say. After that she told me to flush it in the toilet because that is where it belongs. I did exactly as I was instructed and afterwards it felt better to just let go!
Not all who wander are lost
I remember in Grade 9 I chose to do Accounting based on knowing Chartered Accountants earn a lot of money. If I didn't become a CA, I wanted to become a stockbroker. So after high school I studied BCom Rationum at the University of Port Elizabeth (UPE) and I used to be so chaffed when people asked me what is that...rationum that is. I gladly explained that I had two majors Economics and Business Management. I associated BCom with earning a lot of money, it didn't matter whether I liked it or not. I realised at the end of my first year, this was not what I had bargained for. As much as I love numbers and reading, but this is not what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life.
I was brave enough to tell my mother that I would rather work and then I'd get a bursary through an organisation so I can study again. She was not happy about me dropping out of university, but for me it was liberating to be able to stand up to my mother. Coming from a family where both my parents went through university and received their degrees and my family firmly believes it is important to get an education. I felt like an outcast and new that I had to return to university at some point in my life.
When I came to Cape Town, I worked at the South African Revenue Services (SARS) for about two years. I started becoming depressed because my life was not going the way; I had imagined it would go. I read a book by Deepak Chopra, Synchro Destiny and it explains how everything is one. You will never see a school of fish colliding; they all swim in one direction in synch. It also further asks you to look at your achievements in life and what you were doing in the last five years. This made me look at my achievements in high school; I had done debating, public speaking, drama. I love to speak, to be heard, to express myself in spoken and written language.
After a couple of months I had decided that I wanted to study journalism. I later found in the newspaper, an advertisement for a bursary from City of Cape Town to study Public Relations. I took that opportunity and have never looked back. The information that I have from doing one year of BCom Rationum has become relevant while studying PR. So bottom line whatever I learnt wasn't obsolete, I still use it today. I might have wandered doing BCom, but it led me to be honest with myself and find something that I love.
I was brave enough to tell my mother that I would rather work and then I'd get a bursary through an organisation so I can study again. She was not happy about me dropping out of university, but for me it was liberating to be able to stand up to my mother. Coming from a family where both my parents went through university and received their degrees and my family firmly believes it is important to get an education. I felt like an outcast and new that I had to return to university at some point in my life.
When I came to Cape Town, I worked at the South African Revenue Services (SARS) for about two years. I started becoming depressed because my life was not going the way; I had imagined it would go. I read a book by Deepak Chopra, Synchro Destiny and it explains how everything is one. You will never see a school of fish colliding; they all swim in one direction in synch. It also further asks you to look at your achievements in life and what you were doing in the last five years. This made me look at my achievements in high school; I had done debating, public speaking, drama. I love to speak, to be heard, to express myself in spoken and written language.
After a couple of months I had decided that I wanted to study journalism. I later found in the newspaper, an advertisement for a bursary from City of Cape Town to study Public Relations. I took that opportunity and have never looked back. The information that I have from doing one year of BCom Rationum has become relevant while studying PR. So bottom line whatever I learnt wasn't obsolete, I still use it today. I might have wandered doing BCom, but it led me to be honest with myself and find something that I love.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The person that I am...
I am two people, the person I know and understand...the other person is who other people know, understand and misunderstand. The Yolisa I know is talkative, but very analytical. I'm a perfectionist in my own right, I have my own methods in how I think things should be done. As much as I like change and I am open-minded, I love African traditions. This is my history and has given me this opportune moment of being able to express myself in a platfrom that was otherwise not available to people of colour.
More than anything I love to surround myself with happy people, playing with my children and reading Bible stories to them. I was more of a party girl and now I am more family-orientated after having two children. I have grown into a young woman who is mature, listens more especially to elders. Now I can call myself a big sister to my younger sisters in the way that I interact with them and realising if I don't pass on knowledge that I have gained, other people will give them the wrong information. I have grown more confident in my skin and know that I am an inspiration to others who are less fortunate.
When I am chilling with my friends the fun, crazy and adventurous Yolisa comes into being. I am an extremist so when I am having a good time it's always a blast. I love joking around and have a dry sense of humour, luckily those who know me understand me.
The other Yolisa is utterly and completely misunderstood because some people think they know me. I have a bubbly personality so people always think when they see me this character is ready for their amusement. When this character fails to appear, people think I'm serious and not a people's person. What people don't know about me is that I am a private person, I like to mind my own business and live in my head a lot of the time. If I see you and don't smile at you it's not about you, I'm somewhere in my heading figuring something out.
More than anything I love to surround myself with happy people, playing with my children and reading Bible stories to them. I was more of a party girl and now I am more family-orientated after having two children. I have grown into a young woman who is mature, listens more especially to elders. Now I can call myself a big sister to my younger sisters in the way that I interact with them and realising if I don't pass on knowledge that I have gained, other people will give them the wrong information. I have grown more confident in my skin and know that I am an inspiration to others who are less fortunate.
When I am chilling with my friends the fun, crazy and adventurous Yolisa comes into being. I am an extremist so when I am having a good time it's always a blast. I love joking around and have a dry sense of humour, luckily those who know me understand me.
The other Yolisa is utterly and completely misunderstood because some people think they know me. I have a bubbly personality so people always think when they see me this character is ready for their amusement. When this character fails to appear, people think I'm serious and not a people's person. What people don't know about me is that I am a private person, I like to mind my own business and live in my head a lot of the time. If I see you and don't smile at you it's not about you, I'm somewhere in my heading figuring something out.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Can women have it all?
This is a tricky question to answer. It really depends on which side of the fence you are standing. Life is simpler for a women who doesn't have children or married to make a career decision. Her decisions will not affect her immediate family, meaning there's no husband or children to worry about.
If there's a job opportunity to move to another country, she doesn't have to think twice about it. It is easier for this woman to have a job that requires her to travel a lot, without having her family life being compromised.
The challenge is with married women with children, is having to balance their career and family life. A support system is imperative so that there is quality time with the family. This means having both partners taking responsibility of doing homework with the children, taking them to school and sport and nanny to help clean the house.If all the responsibility is for the woman to do then it becomes a challenge for her to progress in her career. She will always be exhausted.
Other women that face the same challenges are single parents. Whatever decisions that they make will always affect their children. This woman cannot just move to another country because of a career opportunity. She has many things to be consider. It is finding a place big enough for the family, finding a good school for the children, finding a house/apartment that is in a safe area. Unlike a single woman who could stay in a single bedroom apartment until she finds her feet. All these things have to be considered carefully as the children will have to leave an environment that they are familiar with.
For women to have it all, they need a good support system.
If there's a job opportunity to move to another country, she doesn't have to think twice about it. It is easier for this woman to have a job that requires her to travel a lot, without having her family life being compromised.
The challenge is with married women with children, is having to balance their career and family life. A support system is imperative so that there is quality time with the family. This means having both partners taking responsibility of doing homework with the children, taking them to school and sport and nanny to help clean the house.If all the responsibility is for the woman to do then it becomes a challenge for her to progress in her career. She will always be exhausted.
Other women that face the same challenges are single parents. Whatever decisions that they make will always affect their children. This woman cannot just move to another country because of a career opportunity. She has many things to be consider. It is finding a place big enough for the family, finding a good school for the children, finding a house/apartment that is in a safe area. Unlike a single woman who could stay in a single bedroom apartment until she finds her feet. All these things have to be considered carefully as the children will have to leave an environment that they are familiar with.
For women to have it all, they need a good support system.
How do you step from the top of a 100 foot pole?
I had two friends who died at a young age. Their lives went by so fast, they achieved so much in their 25 years of life. As much as it is exciting to live your dreams, but you cannot chase life. You will eventually reach your destination. It is such a tragedy to see young people dying, it is a waste of talent.
I believe life is about doing things one step at a time. If you take ten steps at a time because you want to step down a 100 foot pole, it is a big risk. It is perhaps an uncalculated risk to step down in that way. Short cuts have short results, I know some people who like short cuts. Their lives don't progress, they are always in the same point in life. Hard work and working smart pays, order is there to ensure things run smoothly.
Life is a journey and not a destination. It is not about reaching the destination, but enjoying the ride and scenery in the process.
I believe life is about doing things one step at a time. If you take ten steps at a time because you want to step down a 100 foot pole, it is a big risk. It is perhaps an uncalculated risk to step down in that way. Short cuts have short results, I know some people who like short cuts. Their lives don't progress, they are always in the same point in life. Hard work and working smart pays, order is there to ensure things run smoothly.
Life is a journey and not a destination. It is not about reaching the destination, but enjoying the ride and scenery in the process.
Do you ask enough questions? Or do you settle for what you know?
My parents used to buy me books at a young age, at the time I couldn't even speak English or understand it. I used to read to my friends from Inkqubela Primary School and brag to them that I could read English meanwhile I didn't even understand what I was reading. From that time, a seed was planted of being curious of this language I couldn't understand. I grew up with my mother always doing crossword puzzles and I took an interest as well.
I have always been vocal and inquisitive. During December holidays, we would visit my dad's family in Mpumalanga and I would change from speaking Xhosa and speak Zulu. My friends thought I was such a fake because I spoke both languages to them I was pretending to know how to speak Zulu. I have been exposed to different languages and somehow I always find a connection with languages I can speak to those I'd like to learn. In my first year, I chose German as an elective and it made realise I have a wide Afrikaans vocabulary. The one language though I still battle with is Sesotho, I understand it though le lenyane (a little).
I enjoy reading because information is power. If you are well-informed, you can make better decisions. I am not scared to ask questions and make statements. I am very opinionated and that has created opportunities for me to learn. As much as I am open-minded, but I am traditionalist about certain societal practices.
I have always been vocal and inquisitive. During December holidays, we would visit my dad's family in Mpumalanga and I would change from speaking Xhosa and speak Zulu. My friends thought I was such a fake because I spoke both languages to them I was pretending to know how to speak Zulu. I have been exposed to different languages and somehow I always find a connection with languages I can speak to those I'd like to learn. In my first year, I chose German as an elective and it made realise I have a wide Afrikaans vocabulary. The one language though I still battle with is Sesotho, I understand it though le lenyane (a little).
I enjoy reading because information is power. If you are well-informed, you can make better decisions. I am not scared to ask questions and make statements. I am very opinionated and that has created opportunities for me to learn. As much as I am open-minded, but I am traditionalist about certain societal practices.
We are what we do.
Our actions are influenced by our attitude towards life, whether positive or negative. Our actions influenced by our support system, when facing challenges it becomes easier to work through them. Our actions are positive when we have someone who believes in our dreams.
The pressure one gets from home can push one to succeed. It is important to learn the lessons in the mistakes that we make and become better people. People that look down on you can also inspire you to work towards your dreams. Sometimes we have to prove ourselves to family and friends that we will succeed.
The influence around you drives your actions, whether the influence is good or bad. I had to prove that choosing Public Relations over a BCom degree was better for me. I've had to prove studying at a university of technology is just as good as studying in a traditional university. As you live life you constantly have to prove to people who have a negative perception about you."Everyone won't believe in your dream, but once you accomplish it, they'll have no choice but to believe in your reality." - Real Talk
It is not easy working against the flow, but it is all worth it when you're on the other side. Mistakes are an opportunity to grow and learn. You should strive to accomplish your goals regardless of mistakes you have made. In my life, I strive to be a positive influence to those around me. It is easy to break a person down and it is difficult to build their esteem.
The pressure one gets from home can push one to succeed. It is important to learn the lessons in the mistakes that we make and become better people. People that look down on you can also inspire you to work towards your dreams. Sometimes we have to prove ourselves to family and friends that we will succeed.
The influence around you drives your actions, whether the influence is good or bad. I had to prove that choosing Public Relations over a BCom degree was better for me. I've had to prove studying at a university of technology is just as good as studying in a traditional university. As you live life you constantly have to prove to people who have a negative perception about you."Everyone won't believe in your dream, but once you accomplish it, they'll have no choice but to believe in your reality." - Real Talk
It is not easy working against the flow, but it is all worth it when you're on the other side. Mistakes are an opportunity to grow and learn. You should strive to accomplish your goals regardless of mistakes you have made. In my life, I strive to be a positive influence to those around me. It is easy to break a person down and it is difficult to build their esteem.
Monday, April 4, 2011
If I could do it all over again, would you change anything?
I wouldn't change anything. The experience I have gained has moulded me to be the person that I am. My children have grounded me and made me to have more focus and drive. If there were any changes then I would be different and I wouldn't be this Yolisa.
I would have been more self-centred if I didn't have my children. They have made me to be more responsible and selfless, I know that they rely on me so I have to make the best of whatever life situation I am in. All of this is done out of love for my children and not wanting to fail them as a parent. If I would have to do it all over again, I would have to take all the experience I've gained to make better decisions. Without my experiences, I'd make the same mistakes because I wouldn't know any better.
With growing up, when you make mistakes you learn to see and create opportunities. For some having children is a stumbling block especially having two at such a young age. I saw an opportunity to accomplish my dreams and to be true to myself on who I am and where I want to be in life. Going back to university to study was the first step of realising my dreams. I have seen progress in my life and in the choices I make based on previous mistakes. Now I see myself as a PhD student is the making. I don't just dream, I'm making my dreams a reality.
I would have been more self-centred if I didn't have my children. They have made me to be more responsible and selfless, I know that they rely on me so I have to make the best of whatever life situation I am in. All of this is done out of love for my children and not wanting to fail them as a parent. If I would have to do it all over again, I would have to take all the experience I've gained to make better decisions. Without my experiences, I'd make the same mistakes because I wouldn't know any better.
With growing up, when you make mistakes you learn to see and create opportunities. For some having children is a stumbling block especially having two at such a young age. I saw an opportunity to accomplish my dreams and to be true to myself on who I am and where I want to be in life. Going back to university to study was the first step of realising my dreams. I have seen progress in my life and in the choices I make based on previous mistakes. Now I see myself as a PhD student is the making. I don't just dream, I'm making my dreams a reality.
We are afraid of the wrong things.
I am scared of doing something wrong that would lead me to go to jail. I am scared of prisons and the thought of confinement. I pray that with all the success I want and will achieve that I don't get greedy. It is easier to think that I would not be tempted, but when you are subject of the matter your thinking is different. Greed has led many people to be fraudulent and corrupt. Female correctional services are not different to male correctional services, you get the same treatment.
As a mother, my children need me for their growth and I wouldn't want lies being told to my children to cover my whereabouts. This would not ruin just my own life, but my children's perception of motherhood, childhood and life itself. I can't imagine what my children would think to find out I'm a criminal. In jail, you have no control over your life, someone else decides what you eat, when you eat and what you should do on every minute of every day. I would go crazy in this kind of environment, I feel claustrophobic being in small spaces.
If as a person you lie, eventually those lies catch-up to you. There is a family that I knew where the mother was a criminal. The children were told that their mother works in a tupperware company in Jo'burg. When she was in jail for crimes she had committed, her children were told she was in Jo'burg. She was hardly at home to give the children the love they needed and they were always with a nanny. Eventually the children were told that their mom was a fraudster when she had gone to jail for a long time. After many years of being in and out of jail, the eldest child also followed her mother's footsteps and became a fraudster.
Parents are a child's first mentors, role models and generally people they look up to before finding people on the outside to be role models. Charity begins at home, so parents need to be good role models for their children.
As a mother, my children need me for their growth and I wouldn't want lies being told to my children to cover my whereabouts. This would not ruin just my own life, but my children's perception of motherhood, childhood and life itself. I can't imagine what my children would think to find out I'm a criminal. In jail, you have no control over your life, someone else decides what you eat, when you eat and what you should do on every minute of every day. I would go crazy in this kind of environment, I feel claustrophobic being in small spaces.
If as a person you lie, eventually those lies catch-up to you. There is a family that I knew where the mother was a criminal. The children were told that their mother works in a tupperware company in Jo'burg. When she was in jail for crimes she had committed, her children were told she was in Jo'burg. She was hardly at home to give the children the love they needed and they were always with a nanny. Eventually the children were told that their mom was a fraudster when she had gone to jail for a long time. After many years of being in and out of jail, the eldest child also followed her mother's footsteps and became a fraudster.
Parents are a child's first mentors, role models and generally people they look up to before finding people on the outside to be role models. Charity begins at home, so parents need to be good role models for their children.
When is it time to stop calculating risk and reward and just do what you know is right?
It is human nature to desire to satisfy our needs and wants. As Economics 101 states wants are unlimited and needs are given based on the available limited resources. The nature of business is that its shareholders/members want profits. Even when we take this topic to relationships, partners/spouses want to be loved in return. As students we go through sleepless nights studying and doing assignments knowing that there is a reward of a qualification resulting in hopefully a better job and pay. People invest money after a certain amount of time expecting a return on their investments. Bottom line we all want to do something knowing that we are going to receive a reward whether it is today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.
People work extra shifts for other people to get extra money. When I was working at Exclusive Books, at one point people knew if and when they needed someone to work shifts they couldn't work, I was on their speed dial. Of course, I didn't mind because I knew I'm getting paid more. I doubt I would have worked all those hours if that wasn't the case.
What is stated above does not remove from the fact that it is important as a person to do what is right. All the right things you do in life are your blessings and our deeds will also determine our blessings. Your blessings don't always come from the person that you have helped, this is like in the movie Play It Forward. I was coming back from work and found a cellphone on the ground as I was crossing the street. I checked for the last dialled number and phoned to try track the owner. A lady answered and she stayed two streets away from my place. Her boyfriend had gotten drunk and lost his phone. I told her where I stayed and when she came to fetch the phone she gave me money to show her gratitude. I was not expecting her to pay me, I was just being an honest citizen.
People work extra shifts for other people to get extra money. When I was working at Exclusive Books, at one point people knew if and when they needed someone to work shifts they couldn't work, I was on their speed dial. Of course, I didn't mind because I knew I'm getting paid more. I doubt I would have worked all those hours if that wasn't the case.
What is stated above does not remove from the fact that it is important as a person to do what is right. All the right things you do in life are your blessings and our deeds will also determine our blessings. Your blessings don't always come from the person that you have helped, this is like in the movie Play It Forward. I was coming back from work and found a cellphone on the ground as I was crossing the street. I checked for the last dialled number and phoned to try track the owner. A lady answered and she stayed two streets away from my place. Her boyfriend had gotten drunk and lost his phone. I told her where I stayed and when she came to fetch the phone she gave me money to show her gratitude. I was not expecting her to pay me, I was just being an honest citizen.
Fish falling from the sky.
When I was a little girl I used to be freaked out from hearing stories of witchcraft. The stories were always so bizarre and seemed like a fairytale gone bad. The western version of witchcraft is Cinderella and her evil stepmother. An old woman wearing black clothes, long nose and stirring a black pot with a black cat by the fireplace. These images are nothing compared to what my aunt used to tell me.
Stories of people travelling at night in a loaf of bread because they don't want to be seen when doing their evil deeds. Can you picture a grown woman inside a loaf of bread? This sounds absurd and those were my sentiments exactly. The scariest story is hearing someone uthwetyulwe. This means that a person's soul is possessed by a witch and the person's family believes they are dead. This person will be buried by their family believing he/she is dead. The person will work for the witch doing evil deeds. My friend says these witches are scientists that didn't get an education.
Now that I'm graduating I am scared of having a big party celebrating my achievements. In black communities witches are known to bewitch achievers. You will find people ekasi or ezilalini that are crazy and some of them are known to have been bewitched because they were intelligent. These beliefs hold you back in life even when you are a Christian because you grow up believing them.
These stories have not been proven to be true or disapproved untrue. They are told from one generation to another and could be myths with the intent to give life lessons, I don't know. What I know is that believing fish falling from the sky is as bizarre as my stories.
Stories of people travelling at night in a loaf of bread because they don't want to be seen when doing their evil deeds. Can you picture a grown woman inside a loaf of bread? This sounds absurd and those were my sentiments exactly. The scariest story is hearing someone uthwetyulwe. This means that a person's soul is possessed by a witch and the person's family believes they are dead. This person will be buried by their family believing he/she is dead. The person will work for the witch doing evil deeds. My friend says these witches are scientists that didn't get an education.
Now that I'm graduating I am scared of having a big party celebrating my achievements. In black communities witches are known to bewitch achievers. You will find people ekasi or ezilalini that are crazy and some of them are known to have been bewitched because they were intelligent. These beliefs hold you back in life even when you are a Christian because you grow up believing them.
These stories have not been proven to be true or disapproved untrue. They are told from one generation to another and could be myths with the intent to give life lessons, I don't know. What I know is that believing fish falling from the sky is as bizarre as my stories.
Monday, March 7, 2011
What is the colour of the wind?
You blow through my weave
You caress my face with your cool breeze on a hot day
I can't see you, don't know where you come from
I don't know where you are going and when you'll come back.
I sit waiting for you to cool me down
You come so unexpectedly and you are gone so soon
I don't know when you'll come again to blow my hair and make me feel cooler.
You always leave so suddenly without a warning
Other days you come, blow my dress up and my hair into my face
At night you bang unclosed windows and doors and worry homeless people
You can be so cold sometimes, if you had a colour at least we'd be able to prepare for your arrival.
You are so dangerous, you blew the big tree at my place until it fell
I guess I should be glad it didn't fall onto the building
You are unpredictable, even the weather man can't tell how destructive you're going to be
If you were to have a colour, I'd want you to be my favourite colour
red.
You caress my face with your cool breeze on a hot day
I can't see you, don't know where you come from
I don't know where you are going and when you'll come back.
I sit waiting for you to cool me down
You come so unexpectedly and you are gone so soon
I don't know when you'll come again to blow my hair and make me feel cooler.
You always leave so suddenly without a warning
Other days you come, blow my dress up and my hair into my face
At night you bang unclosed windows and doors and worry homeless people
You can be so cold sometimes, if you had a colour at least we'd be able to prepare for your arrival.
You are so dangerous, you blew the big tree at my place until it fell
I guess I should be glad it didn't fall onto the building
You are unpredictable, even the weather man can't tell how destructive you're going to be
If you were to have a colour, I'd want you to be my favourite colour
red.
What makes me smile?
I surround myself with positive people, people who are driven and ahead of me in their careers. I love people who want to progress in terms of their education and career. I am inspired by people with big dreams even if they seem impossible to accomplish. These are the kind of people that make me smile.
I love a good laugh, good company and want to live le good life. I look back at my life and appreciate my experiences the good and the bad. I laugh at myself for making stupid mistakes and decision as well as my stupid ideas. I love to laugh when I'm hurting too.
What makes me smile is having hope that things will be better. I see where I've come from and see where I'm going. I've met new people and seeing how my life has changed for the better that certainly keeps me smiling. There are those people who I grew up with and have made something of themselves. These are the people who give me hope.
It's scary when God gives me what I want, but deep down in my heart I smile.
I love a good laugh, good company and want to live le good life. I look back at my life and appreciate my experiences the good and the bad. I laugh at myself for making stupid mistakes and decision as well as my stupid ideas. I love to laugh when I'm hurting too.
What makes me smile is having hope that things will be better. I see where I've come from and see where I'm going. I've met new people and seeing how my life has changed for the better that certainly keeps me smiling. There are those people who I grew up with and have made something of themselves. These are the people who give me hope.
It's scary when God gives me what I want, but deep down in my heart I smile.
Monday, February 28, 2011
When was the last time you tried something new?
I used to have an afro and from there had dreadlocks. I was in touch with my artistic side, I used to write and perform poetry. My definition of an African woman was her natural hair, it must either be an afro or dreadlocks. I looked up to South African artists like Thandiswa Mazwai, Simphiwe Dana and Lebo Mashile. These women were an inspiration to my artistic life, even the way I dressed was inspired by them. I didn't dress in the latest fashion, Ftv was not fashionable for me.
I loved hip hop and soul, my favourite artist is and was Erykah Badu. I also listened to The Roots, Arrested Development, Common and Dead Prez. I lived in a world that looked down on weaves, manicures and pedicures. Relaxed her was the last thing I would think of doing to my hair.
I had a friend, who was also my housemate, Mandla and suggested I cut my dreadlocks. I took as an insult and told him where to get off. One saturday evening, Mandla was on my case again with cutting my dreadlocks. After a few glasses of wine, I took the scissors and cut my dear dreadlocks. After that we burnt them and I prayed for my new lease on life. I got rid of all the clothes I used to wear. I felt the dreadlocks had carried my past, my mistakes, my weaknesses, my failures and hindered on my growth.
I wanted something I had never experienced before, I wanted to go back to university to educate myself. My life changed slowly, I got a bursary to study Public Relations. My friends were sifted to the new look I now have. Now I get my hair did, my nails did, I wear heels and love fashion. I tried something new and I loved it!
I loved hip hop and soul, my favourite artist is and was Erykah Badu. I also listened to The Roots, Arrested Development, Common and Dead Prez. I lived in a world that looked down on weaves, manicures and pedicures. Relaxed her was the last thing I would think of doing to my hair.
I had a friend, who was also my housemate, Mandla and suggested I cut my dreadlocks. I took as an insult and told him where to get off. One saturday evening, Mandla was on my case again with cutting my dreadlocks. After a few glasses of wine, I took the scissors and cut my dear dreadlocks. After that we burnt them and I prayed for my new lease on life. I got rid of all the clothes I used to wear. I felt the dreadlocks had carried my past, my mistakes, my weaknesses, my failures and hindered on my growth.
I wanted something I had never experienced before, I wanted to go back to university to educate myself. My life changed slowly, I got a bursary to study Public Relations. My friends were sifted to the new look I now have. Now I get my hair did, my nails did, I wear heels and love fashion. I tried something new and I loved it!
If I were a boss?
Some people don't know the different between being a boss and being bossy. For me, being a boss means you are responsible to check if your team members have done the tasks you have allocated to them. You teach members that don't know and guide those that are unsure of their tasks.
Being a boss is a challenging task as you have to manage people and at the same time meet organisational objectives. If I were the boss, my consultancy would start at 09h45. The 15 minutes before 10h00 would give employees time to do their greetings and get their coffee. As a mother, it is such a hassle to work up your children so early in the morning because you have to be at work by 08h00. With the business hours starting late, it would allow mothers to make cereal or breakfast for their children and make their lunch boxes. It would also give them time to drop-off the children to school. The rule is that no-one is allowed to be late because business starts at 10h00.
I think it is important for an employer to take care of his/her employees, as they are the biggest asset. I would have a creche and aftercare on the premises. The most stressful thing for mothers is worrying about the safety of their children. If mothers know where the children are, that means less stress for them. I would also have a gym for my employees, I would encourage healthy eating. There are few organisations that accomodate mothers especially single-mothers, if these important people are taken good care of this will create a better work environment.
Being a boss is a challenging task as you have to manage people and at the same time meet organisational objectives. If I were the boss, my consultancy would start at 09h45. The 15 minutes before 10h00 would give employees time to do their greetings and get their coffee. As a mother, it is such a hassle to work up your children so early in the morning because you have to be at work by 08h00. With the business hours starting late, it would allow mothers to make cereal or breakfast for their children and make their lunch boxes. It would also give them time to drop-off the children to school. The rule is that no-one is allowed to be late because business starts at 10h00.
I think it is important for an employer to take care of his/her employees, as they are the biggest asset. I would have a creche and aftercare on the premises. The most stressful thing for mothers is worrying about the safety of their children. If mothers know where the children are, that means less stress for them. I would also have a gym for my employees, I would encourage healthy eating. There are few organisations that accomodate mothers especially single-mothers, if these important people are taken good care of this will create a better work environment.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Two people come out of a building and into a story.
Six years ago, I came out of Frere Maternity Hospital holding a baby in my arms whom I named Zenande. I did not know anything about motherhood as she was my first child. I did not know her and she did not know me. When I arrived home with her, there were smiles on everyone's faces welcoming this infant to our lives. I named her Zenande so that she can bring prosperity to the family and that our family would grow from that day.
It certainly has grown, she is a young girl who has her own personality and has become part of the Ndhlovu family. She has characteristics which we see in every single one of us in our family. Zenande loves singing, dancing and loves expressing herself. This has been passed down from her grandmother then to me and now to her. Although my mother is soft-spoken, she was apparently a party animal when she was still young. Zenande chooses what she wants to dress for the day and is a fashionista at six. She loves high heels, make-up and knows the latest fashion.
Her second name is Libongolethu which means our pride. She is my pride and joy. The way she laughs and the ways she looks into my eyes, to her I'm her world. I guess I would be because I brought her to this world. Zeni as we call her at home, lifts everyone's spirits at home performing Michael Jackson's moon dance or singing Alicia Keys songs using her guitar. She has such a bubbly personality and has now become her own person starting her own story.
It certainly has grown, she is a young girl who has her own personality and has become part of the Ndhlovu family. She has characteristics which we see in every single one of us in our family. Zenande loves singing, dancing and loves expressing herself. This has been passed down from her grandmother then to me and now to her. Although my mother is soft-spoken, she was apparently a party animal when she was still young. Zenande chooses what she wants to dress for the day and is a fashionista at six. She loves high heels, make-up and knows the latest fashion.
Her second name is Libongolethu which means our pride. She is my pride and joy. The way she laughs and the ways she looks into my eyes, to her I'm her world. I guess I would be because I brought her to this world. Zeni as we call her at home, lifts everyone's spirits at home performing Michael Jackson's moon dance or singing Alicia Keys songs using her guitar. She has such a bubbly personality and has now become her own person starting her own story.
Do you celebrate the things you do have?
On my 21st birthday, I was on my way back from Jo'burg to East London by bus. My phone was off because the battery was flat. I had left the charger at my brother's place in Mpumalanga. I had spent three weeks in Jo'burg and a few days in Mpumalanga. I was not at the least bothered that my friends were trying to get hold of me on my special day. My mother knew where I was so nothing else mattered.
Now that I'm older, I've lost a few friends who never made it past 25 years of age. I realise how I have taken my life for granted and thinking that I'm invincible. I have not taken the time to appreciate my achievements. Everyone falls short in this regard because it's easier to want something you don't have than to appreciate what you have.
I'm certainly not celebrating the things I have, I probably appreciate them for five minutes out of 24 hours. I spend more time complaining about what I don't have and wanting more. Recently I graduated, but I didn't celebrate the fact that I have passed all my subjects in record time. There are so many students who fell by the way side from when I started studying. It hit me the other day that I am now living someone else's dream.
Now that I'm older, I've lost a few friends who never made it past 25 years of age. I realise how I have taken my life for granted and thinking that I'm invincible. I have not taken the time to appreciate my achievements. Everyone falls short in this regard because it's easier to want something you don't have than to appreciate what you have.
I'm certainly not celebrating the things I have, I probably appreciate them for five minutes out of 24 hours. I spend more time complaining about what I don't have and wanting more. Recently I graduated, but I didn't celebrate the fact that I have passed all my subjects in record time. There are so many students who fell by the way side from when I started studying. It hit me the other day that I am now living someone else's dream.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Designer PR
Public Relations people are designers. They design and set trends that should be followed. They influence the way people perceive organisations and brands. PR designers make their audience feel comfortable buying inexpensive clothes at PEP, Ackermans even though some of their clothing is wear and tear. On the other hand, some feel comfortable buy very expensive brands like Gucci and Louis Vuitton even though on the side of the road, an imitation is sold that looks exactly like the real makoya.
PR people are designers and create images that eventually will become a reality. These people are very futuristic and everything is about building long-term relationships. Others merely view us as dreamers as everything is not about here and now.
What people don't understand and realise is that designers are needed in this world. They have a vision and make things happen. In an organisation, these are the people who foresee a crisis before it occurs. Crisis prevention is better than crisis management.
PR people are designers and create images that eventually will become a reality. These people are very futuristic and everything is about building long-term relationships. Others merely view us as dreamers as everything is not about here and now.
What people don't understand and realise is that designers are needed in this world. They have a vision and make things happen. In an organisation, these are the people who foresee a crisis before it occurs. Crisis prevention is better than crisis management.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I grew up I wanted to become a teacher. Both my parents are teachers, but that's not why I wanted to become a teacher. I spent my primary school years up to grade 4 at a township school, Inkqubela Lower Primary School. At the time I was still a learner corporal punishment was still allowed at schools. Then, we didn't know anything about children having rights or calling the helpline and claiming to be abused. So I wanted to be a teacher so that I could give my learners a hiding. I assumed that's what teachers did, ask you questions you don't know answers to and give you a hiding for not knowing the answer.
When I went to the Model C schools, I wanted to become a lawyer. I was greatly influenced by television, especially Ally McBeal. I thought it was such a cool thing to walk into a courtroom wearing a short suite and apologizing to the judge for being late. I later learnt that's not what lawyers do, so my dreams changed.
By the time I was in grade 10, BComm Accounting was the new buzz word amongst black people in my school. Then I wanted to become a stockbroker specifically at the London Stock Exchange. Don't ask me why in London, I really don't know. My dreams were shattered at University of Port Elizabeth when I attempted to study BCom Rationum majoring in Economics and Business Management. I couldn't balance my varsity work with my very busy social life.
This has led me to believe Public Relations is a calling. I didn't realise all these years that my achievements were in cultural activities. I was in the Debating Society, did public speaking, monologues at the Grahamstown Eisteddfod and participated in house plays. I received a colours blazer by the time I matriculated. Now that I'm grown up, I'm doing Public Relations.
When I went to the Model C schools, I wanted to become a lawyer. I was greatly influenced by television, especially Ally McBeal. I thought it was such a cool thing to walk into a courtroom wearing a short suite and apologizing to the judge for being late. I later learnt that's not what lawyers do, so my dreams changed.
By the time I was in grade 10, BComm Accounting was the new buzz word amongst black people in my school. Then I wanted to become a stockbroker specifically at the London Stock Exchange. Don't ask me why in London, I really don't know. My dreams were shattered at University of Port Elizabeth when I attempted to study BCom Rationum majoring in Economics and Business Management. I couldn't balance my varsity work with my very busy social life.
This has led me to believe Public Relations is a calling. I didn't realise all these years that my achievements were in cultural activities. I was in the Debating Society, did public speaking, monologues at the Grahamstown Eisteddfod and participated in house plays. I received a colours blazer by the time I matriculated. Now that I'm grown up, I'm doing Public Relations.
Who do you love and what are you doing about it?
Many people think they know me because they see me in lectures or walking on campus. Some ask silly questions of how do I 'survive' leaving my children behind in East London and pursuing a career. People who ask me these silly questions clearly don't know me. They don't know why I am here and studying my BTech.
I am studying because I want to better my life. My definition of success is getting an education and making a mark in the Communications industry. Success to me is being able to provide my children with the same or better opportunities than I had. I want to be their living proof that whatever you put your mind into, you can do no matter what your situation is. Some people find having children crippling, but I chose to see it as an inspiration.
In life you need someone to believe in your dream to help you to achieve it and it is that believe that pushes you to succeed. When my children look at me they see the world and when I look at them, I see inspiration. If anyone wants to know how I survive not seeing my children, it is because I am doing this for love.
I am studying because I want to better my life. My definition of success is getting an education and making a mark in the Communications industry. Success to me is being able to provide my children with the same or better opportunities than I had. I want to be their living proof that whatever you put your mind into, you can do no matter what your situation is. Some people find having children crippling, but I chose to see it as an inspiration.
In life you need someone to believe in your dream to help you to achieve it and it is that believe that pushes you to succeed. When my children look at me they see the world and when I look at them, I see inspiration. If anyone wants to know how I survive not seeing my children, it is because I am doing this for love.
I am
My history comes from the rich heritage of the Jabavu's in Middlesdrift, Eastern Cape. My maternal great, great grandfather John Tengo Jabavu was the founder of a Xhosa Newspaper, Imvo Zabantsundu which means black opinion. He was involved in politics and in uplifting of black people through education. He also believed that women deserved an equal right as men to get an education, which was an odd belief in his time.
He was also partly responsibility for getting sponsors from the British in order to establish the University of Fort Hare, which was then called the South African Native College. Later his son who also studied at the university, D.D.T. Jabavu was the first black Professor.
Reading the book written by Noni Jabavu, The Ochre People, has also had an impact in me realising how blessed I am to have an opportunity to educate myself. In the early 1900s, there were very few black women had an opportunity to study and better their lives.
I come from a family enriched in Literature and Mathematics. Pursuing a career in communication is something that has been brought down through my history. My chosen career path has been greatly influenced by the legacy left by my forefathers. I am on this journey because I am living the legacy of my ancestors.
He was also partly responsibility for getting sponsors from the British in order to establish the University of Fort Hare, which was then called the South African Native College. Later his son who also studied at the university, D.D.T. Jabavu was the first black Professor.
Reading the book written by Noni Jabavu, The Ochre People, has also had an impact in me realising how blessed I am to have an opportunity to educate myself. In the early 1900s, there were very few black women had an opportunity to study and better their lives.
I come from a family enriched in Literature and Mathematics. Pursuing a career in communication is something that has been brought down through my history. My chosen career path has been greatly influenced by the legacy left by my forefathers. I am on this journey because I am living the legacy of my ancestors.
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