It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.

Everyone has lied at some point in their life, whether it was a small or big lie. Anyone who says they don't lie or has never lied, they are lying to themselves. It is easy to conjure up a lie, but you have it cover it up each time with another lie. You have to believe the lie to convince the next person of your lie therefore you are lying to yourself first and foremost.

The worst thing about a lie, you have to deal with the consequences of it. At some point, lies catch up to you and you have to tell the truth. At this point nobody believes you.

When I was about five years old, my mom warned about telling lies. She made an example of the little boy who lied to the village about the wolf. The first and second time, the boy screamed that the wolf had come for the sheep he was lying. When he was telling the truth nobody believed him. The ramifications of lies are that people don't trust you anymore. Once trust is broken it is very difficult to build again.

If and when you lie to yourself, it haunts you because you are living the lie. The truth is not always easy to deal with, but a lie is worse. You have to deal with the consequences of the lie and the actual reality. Just be honest with yourself and save yourself from reputation and crisis management.

"Hi! I'm Yolisa and I have 2 kids. Please don't run!"

I have had this discussion with my friend many times. It is the challenge of dating when you are a single mother. I'm sure there are many single mothers who can relate to this. It is so amazing how the guys' faces change when you mention that you a child/ren. That sentence kills the chemistry or whatever could have happened. After this, you might as well go home delete his number and forgot you ever knew him.

This makes me feel like I have committed a crime. There seems to be a stigma on single mothers. They are called baby mama and they have baby mama drama. There are men who associate single moms to have baggage and a lot of drama. This is usually based on stereotyping assuming all women are melodramatic.

So when is it the right time to drop this atomic bomb? How should I introduce myself? "Hi! I'm Yolisa and I have two kids. Please don't run!" Or should I hide this important part of my life and wait until he proposes. Then say "yes! I will marry you honey, but one more thing I have two kids." This is one of those tricky challenges of being a single mom.

You become stuck in the middle, you are the grey area. Married mothers don't think you are part of their group and single guys don't treat you as available. I wonder if guys that are single parents suffer from the same stigma? Or should single mothers be looking for single dads? It's a pity you can't control who you fall in love with.

What is the difference between living and existing?

For me, to exist means that the Department of Home Affairs has information on Yolisa on when she was born, that she is female, has two children and has an identity document. This means that I am still alive, as they do not have a death certificate yet. This is Yolisa being in records of every organisation she has worked for or universities that she has studied at. This is merely information about me and my whereabouts.

To live, it means to take risks with your life. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro would be extremely risky because I am scared of heights. This is to challenge myself in my abilities and life experiences. Life is an adventure and there are life lessons to be learnt along the way. I look back at my life, I laugh at myself at things I have done. Being young and stupid is allowed, just not all your life. This adventure has made me a stronger person with fewer fears. I have learnt to be kind to myself especially when I have taken the wrong turn.

I have gone back to university to study and challenged myself to complete what I had started. I have challenged myself to live my dream, it is scary but it is happening. I have regained my self-esteem and confidence. This must not be mistaken with arrogance; this confidence has been given to me by God. They say behind every successful man is an even more successful woman. For me, behind this strong, young woman is a powerful, Living God. This light that shines in my smile and my personality, it is God shining through and being glorified.

Living is not about sitting down and feeling sorry for you. You have to stand up and believe in your dreams even if they seem impossible to the next person. You cannot let fear rule your life. As I live my life, I am writing my book of life. I have chosen to have a book full of wonderful stories that will be a legacy for my children and their children and their children's children.

It is your choice whether you want to live or exist only in the books of the Department of Home Affairs and Department of Labour. I want to live in the history books of South Africa and beyond be an inspiration to future generations.

The sound of one hand clapping.

I wouldn't have made it this far without a support system. I am more than 1000km away from home and I didn't have family in Cape Town. Now I have created my own family here, both at church and at university. Before I had this structure my life was not stable,  I had many acquaintances, but with no real family values.

My new family has encouraged me in my spiritual, personal and social life. When I speak about social life, this doesn't mean clubbing. I have grown into a mature, focused young woman through the love I have received from my new family. These people believed in me without a doubt, they sparked the light inside me. I believe God puts people in your path to help you get through life challenges. He does not tell you who they are, but you need to appreciate these people and realise this is help from God.

In my second year, my friend believed in me being an intelligent student. We were writing a Communication Science test and she told me she expected 100 percent from me. The test before I had gotten 97 percent. For me, I thought she is putting a lot of pressure on me and in any case who gets 100 percent for a test. After the test, I told her that I don't think I got it. When the test came back, I had gotten 100 percent. It was not my own intelligence, but also someone believing in me that I can get that mark. I also believe God played a role in making this happen.

As a person, you must surround yourself with positive people. When you have this, you can achieve anything in life. When you have a strong support system, you become stronger as well and you can conquer your fears. My success has come from people helping me and me also helping others. I had gotten better marks when I tutored other students, this helped me to know more. Life is about sharing with others and through that you become blessed.

The Lord blessed me with two special friends who came at a crucial time in my life. This is Faith Foster and Zodwa Mtolo. These have my guardian angels who were the other hand all the time to help me clap. The Bible verse that changed my life is Matthew 11:28 'Come to me all those who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.' This is a true testimony that you cannot do things on your own.

Are you holding something that you need to let go?

Have you ever gone through that point in your life when you are tired? Tired of talking about your past, what went wrong? The people who have hurt you and never apologised for what they did to you. Things that happened to you that you thought you didn't deserve? Then again, you ask yourself if not me then who? These stories are over told, worn out and no longer have elasticity.

I am at that point where I have grown tired of talking about my past. That is why it is called the past, I have gone past it and through those experiences. It has a way of weighing me down; honestly I am not there anymore. Why should I live in my past when I have the present to enjoy?

My life has changed drastically. I have many new things to look forward to new relationship, new friendships, a new career and I am graduating soon. There is so much to celebrate, exciting events are happening in my life.

I got great advice from my friend as I was about to feel sorry for myself. She asked me to take a toilet roll and write on it all the things that I am not happy about that happened in the past. I wrote on those sheets of paper until I had nothing to say. After that she told me to flush it in the toilet because that is where it belongs. I did exactly as I was instructed and afterwards it felt better to just let go!

Not all who wander are lost

I remember in Grade 9 I chose to do Accounting based on knowing Chartered Accountants earn a lot of money. If I didn't become a CA, I wanted to become a stockbroker. So after high school I studied BCom Rationum at the University of Port Elizabeth (UPE) and I used to be so chaffed when people asked me what is that...rationum that is. I gladly explained that I had two majors Economics and Business Management. I associated BCom with earning a lot of money, it didn't matter whether I liked it or not. I realised at the end of my first year, this was not what I had bargained for. As much as I love numbers and reading, but this is not what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life.

I was brave enough to tell my mother that I would rather work and then I'd get a bursary through an organisation so I can study again. She was not happy about me dropping out of university, but for me it was liberating to be able to stand up to my mother. Coming from a family where both my parents went through university and received their degrees and my family firmly believes it is important to get an education. I felt like an outcast and new that I had to return to university at some point in my life.

When I came to Cape Town, I worked at the South African Revenue Services (SARS) for about two years. I started becoming depressed because my life was not going the way; I had imagined it would go. I read a book by Deepak Chopra, Synchro Destiny and it explains how everything is one. You will never see a school of fish colliding; they all swim in one direction in synch. It also further asks you to look at your achievements in life and what you were doing in the last five years. This made me look at my achievements in high school; I had done debating, public speaking, drama. I love to speak, to be heard, to express myself in spoken and written language.

After a couple of months I had decided that I wanted to study journalism. I later found in the newspaper, an advertisement for a bursary from City of Cape Town to study Public Relations. I took that opportunity and have never looked back. The information that I have from doing one year of BCom Rationum has become relevant while studying PR. So bottom line whatever I learnt wasn't obsolete, I still use it today. I might have wandered doing BCom, but it led me to be honest with myself and find something that I love.

The person that I am...

I am two people, the person I know and understand...the other person is who other people know, understand and misunderstand. The Yolisa I know is talkative, but very analytical. I'm a perfectionist in my own right, I have my own methods in how I think things should be done. As much as I like change and I am open-minded, I love African traditions. This is my history and has given me this opportune moment of being able to express myself in a platfrom that was otherwise not available to people of colour.

More than anything I love to surround myself with happy people, playing with my children and reading Bible stories to them. I was more of a party girl and now I am more family-orientated after having two children. I have grown into a young woman who is mature, listens more especially to elders. Now I can call myself a big sister to my younger sisters in the way that I interact with them and realising if I don't pass on knowledge that I have gained, other people will give them the wrong information. I have grown more confident in my skin and know that I am an inspiration to others who are less fortunate.

When I am chilling with my friends the fun, crazy and adventurous Yolisa comes into being. I am an extremist so when I am having a good time it's always a blast. I love joking around and have a dry sense of humour, luckily those who know me understand me.

The other Yolisa is utterly and completely misunderstood because some people think they know me. I have a bubbly personality so people always think when they see me this character is ready for their amusement. When this character fails to appear, people think I'm serious and not a people's person. What people don't know about me is that I am a private person, I like to mind my own business and live in my head a lot of the time. If I see you and don't smile at you it's not about you, I'm somewhere in my heading figuring something out.

Can women have it all?

This is a tricky question to answer. It really depends on which side of the fence you are standing. Life is simpler for a women who doesn't have children or married to make a career decision. Her decisions will not affect her immediate family, meaning there's no husband or children to worry about.

If there's a job opportunity to move to another country, she doesn't have to think twice about it. It is easier for this woman to have a job that requires her to travel a lot, without having her family life being compromised.

The challenge is with married women with children, is having to balance their career and family life. A support system is imperative so that there is quality time with the family. This means having both partners taking responsibility of doing homework with the children, taking them to school and sport and nanny to help clean the house.If all the responsibility is for the woman to do then it becomes a challenge for her to progress in her career. She will always be exhausted.

Other women that face the same challenges are single parents. Whatever decisions that they make will always affect their children. This woman cannot just move to another country because of a career opportunity. She has many things to be consider. It is finding a place big enough for the family, finding a good school for the children, finding a house/apartment that is in a safe area. Unlike a single woman who could stay in a single bedroom apartment until she finds her feet. All these things have to be considered carefully as the children will have to leave an environment that they are familiar with.

For women to have it all, they need a good support system.

How do you step from the top of a 100 foot pole?

I had two friends who died at a young age. Their lives went by so fast, they achieved so much in their 25 years of life. As much as it is exciting to live your dreams, but you cannot chase life. You will eventually reach your destination. It is such a tragedy to see young people dying, it is a waste of talent.

I believe life is about doing things one step at a time. If you take ten steps at a time because you want to step down a 100 foot pole, it is a big risk. It is perhaps an uncalculated risk to step down in that way. Short cuts have short results, I know some people who like short cuts. Their lives don't progress, they are always in the same point in life. Hard work and working smart pays, order is there to ensure things run smoothly.

Life is a journey and not a destination. It is not about reaching the destination, but enjoying the ride and scenery in the process.

Do you ask enough questions? Or do you settle for what you know?

My parents used to buy me books at a young age, at the time I couldn't even speak English or understand it. I used to read to my friends from Inkqubela Primary School and brag to them that I could read English meanwhile I didn't even understand what I was reading. From that time, a seed was planted of being curious of this language I couldn't understand. I grew up with my mother always doing crossword puzzles and I took an interest as well.

I have always been vocal and inquisitive. During December holidays, we would visit my dad's family in Mpumalanga and I would change from speaking Xhosa and speak Zulu. My friends thought I was such a fake because I spoke both languages to them I was pretending to know how to speak Zulu. I have been exposed to different languages and somehow I always find a connection with languages I can speak to those I'd like to learn. In my first year, I chose German as an elective and it made realise I have a wide Afrikaans vocabulary. The one language though I still battle with is Sesotho, I understand it though le lenyane (a little).

I enjoy reading because information is power. If you are well-informed, you can make better decisions. I am not scared to ask questions and make statements. I am very opinionated and that has created opportunities for me to learn. As much as I am open-minded, but I am traditionalist about certain societal practices.

We are what we do.

Our actions are influenced by our attitude towards life, whether positive or negative. Our actions influenced by our support system, when facing challenges it becomes easier to work through them. Our actions are positive when we have someone who believes in our dreams.

The pressure one gets from home can push one to succeed. It is important to learn the lessons in the mistakes that we make and become better people. People that look down on you can also inspire you to work towards your dreams. Sometimes we have to prove ourselves to family and friends that we will succeed.

The influence around you drives your actions, whether the influence is good or bad. I had to prove that choosing Public Relations over a BCom degree was better for me. I've had to prove studying at a university of technology is just as good as studying in a traditional university. As you live life you constantly have to prove to people who have a negative perception about you."Everyone won't believe in your dream, but once you accomplish it, they'll have no choice but to believe in your reality." - Real Talk

It is not easy working against the flow, but it is all worth it when you're on the other side. Mistakes are an opportunity to grow and learn. You should strive to accomplish your goals regardless of mistakes you have made. In my life, I strive to be a positive influence to those around me. It is easy to break a person down and it is difficult to build their esteem.

If I could do it all over again, would you change anything?

I wouldn't change anything. The experience I have gained has moulded me to be the person that I am. My children have grounded me and made me to have more focus and drive. If there were any changes then I would be different and I wouldn't be this Yolisa.

I would have been more self-centred if I didn't have my children. They have made me to be more responsible and selfless, I know that they rely on me so I have to make the best of whatever life situation I am in. All of this is done out of love for my children and not wanting to fail them as a parent.  If I would have to do it all over again, I would have to take all the experience I've gained to make better decisions. Without my experiences, I'd make the same mistakes because I wouldn't know any better.

With growing up, when you make mistakes you learn to see and create opportunities. For some having children is a stumbling block especially having two at such a young age. I saw an opportunity to accomplish my dreams and to be true to myself on who I am and where I want to be in life. Going back to university to study was the first step of realising my dreams. I have seen progress in my life and in the choices I make based on previous mistakes. Now I see myself as a PhD student is the making. I don't just dream, I'm making my dreams a reality.

We are afraid of the wrong things.

I am scared of doing something wrong that would lead me to go to jail. I am scared of prisons and the thought of confinement. I pray that with all the success I want and will achieve that I don't get greedy. It is easier to think that I would not be tempted, but when you are subject of the matter your thinking is different. Greed has led many people to be fraudulent and corrupt. Female correctional services are not different to male correctional services, you get the same treatment.

As a mother, my children need me for their growth and I wouldn't want lies being told to my children to cover my whereabouts. This would not ruin just my own life, but my children's perception of motherhood, childhood and life itself. I can't imagine what my children would think to find out I'm a criminal. In jail, you have no control over your life, someone else decides what you eat, when you eat and what you should do on every minute of every day. I would go crazy in this kind of environment, I feel claustrophobic being in small spaces.

If as a person you lie, eventually those lies catch-up to you. There is a family that I knew where the mother was a criminal. The children were told that their mother works in a tupperware company in Jo'burg. When she was in jail for crimes she had committed, her children were told she was in Jo'burg. She was hardly at home to give the children the love they needed and they were always with a nanny. Eventually the children were told that their mom was a fraudster when she had gone to jail for a long time. After many years of being in and out of jail, the eldest child also followed her mother's footsteps and became a fraudster.

Parents are a child's first mentors, role models and generally people they look up to before finding people on the outside to be role models. Charity begins at home, so parents need to be good role models for their children.

When is it time to stop calculating risk and reward and just do what you know is right?

It is human nature to desire to satisfy our needs and wants. As Economics 101 states wants are unlimited and needs are given based on the available limited resources. The nature of business is that its shareholders/members want profits. Even when we take this topic to relationships, partners/spouses want to be loved in return. As students we go through sleepless nights studying and doing assignments knowing that there is a reward of a qualification resulting in hopefully a better job and pay. People invest money after a certain amount of time expecting a return on their investments. Bottom line we all want to do something knowing that we are going to receive a reward whether it is today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.

People work extra shifts for other people to get extra money. When I was working at Exclusive Books, at one point people knew if and when they needed someone to work shifts they couldn't work, I was on their speed dial. Of course, I didn't mind because I knew I'm getting paid more. I doubt I would have worked all those hours if that wasn't the case.

What is stated above does not remove from the fact that it is important as a person to do what is right. All the right things you do in life are your blessings and our deeds will also determine our blessings. Your blessings don't always come from the person that you have helped, this is like in the movie Play It Forward. I was coming back from work and found a cellphone on the ground as I was crossing the street. I checked for the last dialled number and phoned to try track the owner. A lady answered and she stayed two streets away from my place. Her boyfriend had gotten drunk and lost his phone. I told her where I stayed and when she came to fetch the phone she gave me money to show her gratitude. I was not expecting her to pay me, I was just being an honest citizen.

Fish falling from the sky.

When I was a little girl I used to be freaked out from hearing stories of witchcraft. The stories were always so bizarre and seemed like a fairytale gone bad. The western version of witchcraft is Cinderella and her evil stepmother. An old woman wearing black clothes, long nose and stirring a black pot with a black cat by the fireplace. These images are nothing compared to what my aunt used to tell me.

Stories of people travelling at night in a loaf of bread because they don't want to be seen when doing their evil deeds. Can you picture a grown woman inside a loaf of bread? This sounds absurd and those were my sentiments exactly. The scariest story is hearing someone uthwetyulwe. This means that a person's soul is possessed by a witch and the person's family believes they are dead. This person will be buried by their family believing he/she is dead. The person will work for the witch doing evil deeds. My friend says these witches are scientists that didn't get an education.

Now that I'm graduating I am scared of having a big party celebrating my achievements. In black communities witches are known to bewitch achievers. You will find people ekasi or ezilalini that are crazy and some of them are known to have been bewitched because they were intelligent. These beliefs hold you back in life even when you are a Christian because you grow up believing them.

These stories have not been proven to be true or disapproved untrue. They are told from one generation to another and could be myths with the intent to give life lessons, I don't know. What I know is that believing fish falling from the sky is as bizarre as my stories.