I have had this discussion with my friend many times. It is the challenge of dating when you are a single mother. I'm sure there are many single mothers who can relate to this. It is so amazing how the guys' faces change when you mention that you a child/ren. That sentence kills the chemistry or whatever could have happened. After this, you might as well go home delete his number and forgot you ever knew him.
This makes me feel like I have committed a crime. There seems to be a stigma on single mothers. They are called baby mama and they have baby mama drama. There are men who associate single moms to have baggage and a lot of drama. This is usually based on stereotyping assuming all women are melodramatic.
So when is it the right time to drop this atomic bomb? How should I introduce myself? "Hi! I'm Yolisa and I have two kids. Please don't run!" Or should I hide this important part of my life and wait until he proposes. Then say "yes! I will marry you honey, but one more thing I have two kids." This is one of those tricky challenges of being a single mom.
You become stuck in the middle, you are the grey area. Married mothers don't think you are part of their group and single guys don't treat you as available. I wonder if guys that are single parents suffer from the same stigma? Or should single mothers be looking for single dads? It's a pity you can't control who you fall in love with.
This is a very interesting topic. I think it works out better when the guy is also a responsible single father. He understands children better and also knows how to be a father to the partners children.
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ReplyDelete@LT, your comment is emphasizing on the stigma that is attached to single mothers. At the end of the day, you can't control who you fall in love with. Your comment limits single mothers to date only single fathers, which is the discrimination I am talking about. There are many cases where men have fathered children, not having their own. This is life, women should not be discriminated against for having children. These are our future presidents.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with the last bit where you say it's a pity you can't control who you fall inlove with. If someone truly loves you it doesn't matter whether you have children or not, even if he has children or not. Having children is a gift from God so it is unfair to discriminate women who have children to date only guys who are "responsible" fathers.
ReplyDeleteI agrre with what you wrote. Im on the opposite side of the story. My parents are divorced and my sisters & i stayed with my dad, so he was " single parent". I think for me being the child, i wouldnt mind if he was involved with someone who didnt mind my existance. Be inlove with my dad and his package.
ReplyDeleteso if a guy wants to run away because you are a mother of two, its fine, because clearly he is not willing to welcome the whole Yolisa.
All we do is for our children*
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